How to Talk to Your Kids About Divorce (Without Causing Harm)
How should you talk to your kids about divorce?
The best way to talk to your children about divorce is to be honest, calm, and age-appropriate. Let them know it’s not their fault, that they are deeply loved, and explain any upcoming changes in routine. Presenting a united front (if possible) and keeping routines stable can help ease their emotional transition. Most importantly, encourage open communication and reassure them they can ask questions or express feelings.
Divorce is hard enough on you—but for your kids, it can feel like their whole world is shifting.
At Greebel & Greebel, we help families across Long Island navigate the legal and
emotional journey of divorce. And one of the most common (and important) questions we hear is:
"How do I talk to my children about the divorce?"
Here’s what we recommend—as both legal professionals and as parents who understand what’s at stake.
1. Tailor the Message to Their Age
Preschoolers: Keep it simple. “Mommy and Daddy are going to live in different houses, but we both love you very much.”
School-aged kids: Offer clarity about the schedule and reassure them that they are not to blame.
Teens: Expect tough questions. Be honest, avoid badmouthing, and invite them to express how they feel.
2. Present a United Front (If Possible)
When both parents deliver the news together, it:
- Minimizes blame
- Reduces confusion
- Shows mutual love and care
Even if tensions are high, setting aside differences for this conversation is an emotional investment in your child’s well-being.
3. Avoid Blame or Legal Details
Kids don’t need to hear about custody battles, money issues, or infidelity.
Stick to:
- What is changing (living arrangements, school schedule)
- What is staying the same (love, support, routines)
Leave the legal language for your attorney. We’ll handle the hard parts so you can focus on parenting.
4. Encourage Open Questions & Emotions
Let your kids know:
- They can cry, be confused, or even angry
- You're there to listen—without judgment
- Their voice matters in the process
Some kids won't react right away. That’s okay. Keep the door open.
5. Keep Routines Consistent
Structure = safety.
Stick to:
- Bedtimes
- Meals
- School routines
- Extracurriculars
This gives your child a sense of predictability and normalcy while everything else changes.
Need guidance on how to protect your kids during a divorce? Greebel & Greebel is here for families across Long Island with over 30 years of experience. Call us today for a consultation at our Mineola office.
Phone: 516-248-7008
Address: 170 Old Country Rd, Mineola, NY 11501
Should you tell all your kids at the same time?
Yes, but adjust follow-up conversations based on age and personality. A shared message avoids confusion or sibling secrecy.
What if the other parent won’t cooperate?
Do your best to keep the tone neutral. Your consistency and calm will matter more over time.
Can divorce impact my custody case if I say the wrong thing?
Potentially. If a parent speaks negatively about the other or involves kids in legal matters, it can reflect poorly in custody hearings.
FAQ: Common Questions from Long Island Parents
